Confessions of a Single Christian Mother
This blog was one of my first, written in 2006. However, I love to read it and see how God has worked in our lives and in Sarah’s father’s life.
I had a perfect little apartment on a nice lake in Fort Lauderdale. The mile-long path that encircled the lake was walked daily by my 2 Boxers, Buster and Moka, with me in tow. It was an ideal setting for us. Every summer day, around 3PM like clockwork, rain greeted our afternoons. I was working for an incredible real estate development company (Turnberry Associates) in Aventura and on Saturday nights, I would spend my evenings and early mornings pulling pints at a local English pub.
I pulled up at 4AM and went into my apartment to let Buster and Moka outside. I walked out with them to see Jared, climbing on his motorcycle, on his way to work. Moka and Buster instinctively ran up to him and my heart skipped. His smile pierced through my heart and I knew, at that very second, something great was going to happen.
We went on to spend five months together, in what I mistakenly thought was a monogomous relationship. When I called Jared to tell him I was pregnant, his response was anything but positive. This cool, laid-back, funny and over-friendly person was a new being. After he spent about 30 minutes trying to convince me to terminate the pregnancy, he gave up and our phone call, and hearts, would be forever disconnected.
At that moment in my life, I felt completely alone; I had nobody, other than the seed inside me. I did have friends and family, but my pride would not let me reach out. Into the first month of my pregnancy, my friend Kelly introduced me to a security like no other: God. I had never known this “God” before, but the overwhelming feeling of peace and joy that rushed through me, each time I entered Calvary Chapel church, was unexplainable. I knew my child would not have an earthly father. I knew I did not want my child to feel rejected and I was on a mission to ensure that my decision to have her alone, would be the right one.
I became a Christian after reading a verse in scripture that says God will never leave us or forsake us. “That’s for Sarah”, I thought immediatly. I would do this parenting thing the right way and unfortunately, my ways have always been a little off the mark. I accepted Jesus into my heart and began learning how He wanted me to live my life. I knew I could not teach my child His ways, if I did not personally know them and follow them.
Everything was rosy, until about 6 months ago, when she started asking me “Where’s MY daddy, Mommy?”, after spending time with her best friend Zoe` and her 2 amazing parents. What do I tell my child?
I’ve told her that God is her father and that He lives within her heart and loves her immensly- even more than I can love her. Right now, it will suffice. I have created a scrapbook and included in the scrapbook is Jared’s picture and our short story of our time together. I will tell her that he was simply not ready to be a daddy. And that is okay.
I will love her twice as hard and I will be twice as careful with the people I bring into her life. Being a single mother is very hard indeed- the emotional struggle, mainly. The physical is easy- I can change a flat tire in record time and I can throw a mean spiral into the wind. I can teach her to dribble a soccer ball like Michael Owen and I can give the best piggy-back rides in town. I just can’t tell my daughter that her daddy will tuck her into bed tonight.
If you aren’t familiar with 
This is my op-ed… the first commandment is “do not have any other gods before me” and that means: don’t worship anything higher than God.
You should check out the Christian Dating Watchdog’s Doghouse of 
